


Uninterested (Youth)

by YumeArashi



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Asexuality, Humor, Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 06:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezio has a hard time understanding Leonardo's lack of interest in sex</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uninterested (Youth)

**Author's Note:**

> For kinkmeme prompt: http://forkinsocket.livejournal.com/16841.html?thread=2198473#t2198473  
> Alternate version of Uninterested (Maturity)

“What do you mean, you’re not interested?” Ezio demanded.  “Everyone’s interested in sex.  Men cheat on their women, women step out on their men, nobles patronize courtesans - even the _pope_ is rumored to have illegitimate children!  I’m telling you, everyone’s interested, some people just deny it more than others.”

Leonardo gave his friend a patiently amused look.  “I know it must seem strange to you, but sex is not the be all and end all of existence.”

“You say that, but…hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Ezio said indignantly, and Leonardo laughed.

“You’re barely nineteen - young yet, and full of energy.  And since it is you, I expect that it will be a good long time before you become any less interested in the joys of the flesh.  But not everyone is the same way.”

“But it’s _sex_ ,” Ezio protested, puzzled enough to have missed the ‘since it’s you’ part.  “How can you just…not want it?”

Leonardo shrugged.  “I’ve other things to occupy my time and mind.”

Ezio was silent for a moment, mulling over the concept, then concluded, “You’re virgin.  You don’t know what you’re missing, that’s all.”

Leonardo chuckled.  “Not for some time, I’m afraid.  I must admit to some curiosity when I was younger.”

“And?” Ezio prompted.

“I found it to be greatly overrated.”

“You didn’t enjoy it?” the assassin sputtered.

Leonardo shrugged.  “Not really.  If anything, I found it frustrating.”

“Frustrating?  Are you sure that you actually had sex and didn’t just put it….I don’t know, in her navel or something?”

The artist had to laugh at that.  “Yes, Ezio, I really did have sex.  And it was supposed to be this wonderfully pleasurable thing, and it did nothing for me.  It was simply a mess of muscle spasms and unpleasant bodily fluids.  As far as I’m concerned, the act of procreation and the members employed therein are so repulsive, that if it were not for the beauty of the faces and the adornments of the actors and the pent-up impulse, nature would lose the human species.”

Ezio gave his friend a disturbed look.  “There’s something wrong with your body, that’s the only thing I can think of.  Are you sure it’s not broken?”

Leonardo rolled his eyes, though Ezio could tell that he’d found the comment funny.  “I suppose it’s possible that there is something awry with my reproductive system, but if so then it’s never caused me harm in any other way.  I am content to remain uninterested, and devote myself to more worthwhile causes.”

Ezio shook his head with a sigh, watching his friend tinker on some new project.  After a minute, he grinned.  “Of course, there’s another possibility.”

“Dare I ask?” Leonardo said, long-suffering.

“You’re just not doing it right.”

“Ezio, that’s…Ezio, stop that!  Get off of - mmph!”


End file.
